The Official Monkey Webpage


Real Ultimate Power


Hi, this site is all about Monkeys, REAL MONKEYS.  This site is awesome.  My name is Eric and I can't stop thinking about Monkeys.  They are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet.




1.    Monkeys are mammals.

2.    Monkeys fling poo ALL the time.

3.    The purpose of the Monkey is to flip out, climb stuff & wear funny hats.



Weapons and abilities:



   Monkey Teeth                 Wrestling Powers    


Sad Monkey Eyes





Monkeys can flip out and howl anytime they want!  Monkeys fling poo ALL the time and don't even think twice about it.  They are so crazy and awesome that they climb stuff ALL the time.  I heard that there was this Monkey who was eating at a diner.  And when some dude dropped a banana the Monkey climbed some tall guy and howled for 7 weeks straight.  My friend Mark said that he saw a Monkey totally fling poo at some kid just because the kid mentioned "planet of the apes".


And that's what I call REAL Ultimate Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


If you don't believe that Monkeys have REAL Ultimate Power you better get a life right now or they will climb a tree near your home and stare at you with their sad monkey eyes until your brain hurts!!!  It's an easy choice, if you ask me.  


Monkeys are sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants.  I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart.  They are totally awesome and that's a fact.  Monkeys are fast, smooth, cool, strong, powerful, and sweet.  I can't wait to start climbing trees next year.  I love Monkeys with all of my body (including my pee pee).    



Q and A:.



Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about Monkeys?

A: Monkeys are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they don't give a crap about tossing crap, but on the other hand, Monkeys have opposable thumbs.


Q: I heard that Monkeys are always cruel or mean.  What's their problem?

A: Whoever told you that is a total liar.  Just like other mammals, Monkeys can be mean OR totally awesome. 


Q: What do Monkeys do when they're not howling, flinging poo or flipping out and climbing stuff?

A: Most of their free time is spent testing cosmetics, but sometimes they masturbate.  (Ask Mark if you don't believe me.)



My best friend Mark has an evil monkey
living in his closet ,
which is bragable.



Inspired by the Original Real Ultimate Power website:

Check out: BrianX Lifestyle Free Magazine Nightlife Dating Discount Travel Magazine

And for more parodies: Real Ultimate Power Parody Directory

The ultimate battle: Monkey Kong Vs. Pengo!

If your name is Eric Dalton you can have your own website at!

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