Fusion is Hot! (Sorry) As I've recently stated in
the news section of this site-o-rama, the reason that there is a big
"Fusion" in the upper left
is because Fusion is the theme for this iteration of my site. The
official tag-line is "A Fusion of Thought and Emotion". I try to make
sure all of my rantings have at least a little of both. Failing that, I
go with the unofficial tag-line which is "Going ballzout
Anyway, I first used
"Fusion" in October 2004. Since
then it's become a hot marketing word. Not quite as bad as the word
"Extreme" or the prefix "i" but certainly more so than "Fugly" or
"Otiose". There has always been Jazz Fusion and dance styles known as
Fusion, but this is a full blown marketing-buzz-word-mania! By
current count (and I'll update it if I find more), there were four
products introduced during my tenure as Fusionista. I'm excluding
Coke's line of "Fusion Drinks" because the text is only on the label
and they're not marketing them as such.
out a (hideously
overkill redefining) razor (with friggin' batteries?!) bearing the
fusion moniker as well as a supporting line of shave gel &
wire. The bloody thing (ha!) has 6 blades. Two of said blades are
hidden somewhere in the packaging! Can you find both without using the
included chain-mail gauntlet? Everyone dance the masochism
Ford did its part by introducing
the Fusion. A zippy little
car that looks NOTHING like the Saturn Ion. Hrm. Fusion... FusION. Hrm.
Actually, it looks like the Corolla. Well, actually like that one
Scion. Hmmmmm. Not unlike the Focus either. What the hell? I personally
think they wasted the name as Fusion would have been a fantastic name
for a car powered by... uh... Fusion. At least it would have made a
good "Hybrid" car powered by both gas and marketing hot air.
What's up with Lifesavers' "Fusions" candy? Well, they're
actually Two Flavors in one hard candy shell just like nature always
intended! I don't have much to say about these since I haven't tried
them since none of the flavors are "Pizza" or "Mt. Dew".
Then there's my favorite: Trident's Fusion gum (with
XYLITOL!). It tastes different depending how you chew it believe it or
not. They market it as a new experience in chewing gum! w00t!
Everyone dance the mastication tango!
what's up with the glut of fusion-cloning? Lets look
at it from a marketing perspective, shall we? Of course we
Root = Fuse. Those things that burn out or blow
your firecracker. Nobody ever noticed a fuse unless it blew when they
plugged in the air conditioner or it wouldn't light/burned to fast and
resulted in a lack of eyebrows. This
can't be the reason.
with Disillusion? Not good a good Image.
Rhymes with Collusion? Another word with a bad press rep. Never used
with anything legal. This
can't be the reason.
prices, global conservation is a
hot-button blah-yadda natural resources wossname. The Powers that Be
would like it if we all warmed (no pun intended) to the idea of Fusion
as a power source. Coal is Oil and Oil is out. The Powers obviously got
Bush elected so the entire f'n world would turn against Oil and those
who sell it. Dr. Evil will be president before this country allows
another Oil Baron in the oval office. Unless he/she is religious
anyway. Fission is out. Three
Mile Island &
Chernobyl and the fact that we haven't built a new plant
since the 70s proves this. Bio-fuel? No way! A power plant that smells
like French fries? NIMBY!
Wind farms? They require land and the rich own the land. The rich are
also Congress. Those Distinguished Gentlemen are busy falling over themselves to get
some press opposing wind farms. NIMCOD!
Besides, they'll kill birds and we can't just let them rot but, lets
face it, a KFC at the bottom of every windmill would be just too damn
many KFCs. We don't have enough dam rivers to go with Hydroelectric.
Besides, I've seen what happens when those dams burst. Nature's pent up
fury has a way of cleaning up all those pesky houses and bridges that
we've built after damming the river. That leaves us with Fusion. We're
getting closer to being
able to pull off true thermonuclear fusion, which is the real
power-source of the
future... but we'll need MASSIVE amounts of funding to be able to force
it to create more energy than we used to sustain the reaction. That
funding would only be possible with Big Government Grants. We'll need a
Fusion Friendly Fuhrer to supply those grants and we'll need a whole
lot of marketing to create a favorable brand around the word Fusion
before The Powers can get someone elected on a Fusion platform. It has
begun my friends.
Or maybe that's just too much conjecture. Wait, I have it and it's
obvious! The companies just want to be me. Oh, and I'm sweet like the
candy, sharp like the razor and full of gas like the Ford. Yeah, that's
it. Perhaps The Powers that Be have me in mind for the
"leader"? I can say "Oook" as well as the next guy. Just in case, I'll
invent a buzz word right here on the spot that I can throw around later
and sound cool. Before I do, I'd like to point out the
Commons Copyright on my main page.
"I'll make an excellent
representative because I have a fusionistic
view of our future!"
There you have it folks. I'm a shoe-in.
[UPDATE] I don't know why I didn't think of it before, but I just ran a search of Amazon.com for "Fuson".... I received around 15,000 hits. A few hours later... I'm worn out looking at Fusion Products. The canonical list of All Things Fusionistic would be well beyond the scope of this webpage. So... I'll have to get creative. :-)